最近戀上...

以前從不沾酒的我，
以前連Shandy也沒喝過的我，
現在已與它變好友了...

是生活的無奈
還是人生的歷練
還是看化了人世間的事物
改變了我？

Heartache

Heart in thousand pieces
Shattered like a broken mirror
Seeing reflections on the broken pieces
All I saw was a lady crying in the mirror
I asked her why are you shedding tears
She kept quiet and pointed at her heart
Suddenly felt my heart was being stabbed
By a knife that is cutting it slowly
Only then I know why and deeply understand...

Dilemma

人往往就是这样
读书的时候 希望快点毕业
因为毕业了工作了觉得自己变成大人了
可是毕业了以后
就开始烦找工作
找不到工作 就开始懊恼 开始有压力
找到了工作 却因为工作的种种压力喘不过气
找到了工作 就代表着生活一切都要靠自己
找到了工作 就开始有很多很多的责任
有时 这些责任、这些压力
真地会令人很难受

是因为责任感太重了吗？
是因为太负责任了吗？
不是
是因为责任与工资成了反比
是
是因为无法就这样抛下工作逃避另找其他
是自己的良心过不去

我错了 应该好好享受读书时的点滴

泪

最近泪腺特别发达
也不懂得为什么
突然泪水就一直流个不停

最近小小的事情
都会弄得人家不开心
小小的发现
都会弄得人家想多多
真的不懂为什么

尤其今天
整晚泪不停的滴
不管怎样
真的很谢谢你、你、你……
当然尤其是你
谢谢你们的忍耐
谢谢你们的关怀
谢谢你们全部全部的小动作
谢谢你们让我觉得安慰……

...疑问...

是我要求高...?
是我要求多...?
是我小气...?
是我易怒...?
是我被宠坏...?
是我小心眼...?
是我有大小姐脾气...?
是我脾气暴躁...?
是我任性...?
是我固执...?
唉 算了吧 节哀 阿门 都是我不对...

Last post of the year

First of all, Happy last day of 2009...
Recalling back to what a year I had this year
Really brought back heaps of memories
Lots of tears shed
Lots of memories to mark on my memorabilia
Lots of things happened that changed me
Lots of things happened that made a large change in my life
Few friendships went down to drain
Gained many new friends that treasure me
There were really lots of ups and downs in my year 2009
Guess this is the year that really made me grow up
Made me grown to be more mature
Made me know the world out there better
All these gains and losses really build a stronger inner me

Experiences
This year I experienced a lot
A change of friendship
Some turned bad and some got better and closer
Change of personalities of people I care
Losing trust on someone I trusted
Disappointments again and again
How someone you trust could actually hurt you deeply
and so on...

Gains
A life
Another certificate
An Australian PR
More friends that I treasure
New good friends whom treasure me for who I am not for what I have
and someone who treasures and cares

Losses
Time and youth
Friends that I considered as good friends

Flashing back on all these...
Looks like I gained more this year than things I lose
I would not look back and stop at this point
I am looking forward to the years that are coming ahead
A future that is waiting for me to build
A path that is waiting for me to walk
A career that is waiting for me to work hard on
A whole new experience that is waiting for me to explore.......

Good Bye 2009 and Hola 2010......

Perplexity

Am I just demanding too much?
Or do I have the right to be demanding?
Am I too selfish?
Or do I have the right to be selfish?
Am I exaggerating?
Or do I have the right to exaggerate?
Am I too imaginative?
Or do I have the right to imaginative?
Am I bothering too much?
Or do I have the right to bother?
Do I deserve to be treated that way?
Or do I deserve better?
Maybe I am just not worthy enough....
Maybe I am just not special enough....

Contradiction

A month ago I can't wait to come back home
Back for less than a month
I can't wait to go back to Brisbane..
Sigh....

I am starting to miss my dears in Brisbane...
Starting to miss my life full of freedom
Starting to miss my lonely life
Starting to miss my quiet life
Starting to miss Brisbane's clean and quietness....

我的最爱

绿茶一直是我的最爱
总之是绿茶味的东东
我都超级超级喜爱
今天突然想学学人家 hi tea
拿了那杯在韩国买的绿茶拉铁
又拿了妹妹的绿茶生日蛋糕
坐在电脑前面看刑IV
呵呵 真的很怀念旧的港片
真的不爱看现代的港片
终是在做些争风吃醋的剧情
什么溏心风暴啦、富贵门啦什么的
没有一个我看得完的
难道是我怀旧吗? 哈哈~~

Graduated again..

My classmates in Tafe.. The one in red is my teacher....

With luck, I accidentally passed my Diploma in Interpreting... In our Mandarin class of 13, I am one of the 3 who passed.. Opps... ^^" Haha~ Yeah.. Difficult.. Some failed some had to wait for resit next year..... Passed my QUT unit too.... Not bad lah... This semester quite smooth despite friendship problems...

However, due to my stoopid holiday to Korea.... (stoopid because of the stupid tour guide.. Wil update about it..) I missed my graduation ceremony... ^^" So nothing much...... Actually lots to update but too lazy.... ^^

Emptyness

First night coming back to my hometown
Completed my mission and reason I came back early for
Now I felt so empty
Had the feeling that the reason I came back for might not be worthy enough
Or had been put to waste
I wonder should I be that worried
Should I really give up my fun, excitement and money that I could have earned these few days
Should I have worn myself out past few days just to rush myself back home for it
But get all these disappointments in exchange...
I really have been wondering...

Being back with my dearest family is happy
I miss my dearest papa and mama
But there's just someone here who gave me all these disappointments..
That made me wanna go back immediately...
Made me wanna give up on her..
All my dearest friends ain't back yet....
Please do come back to me ASAP....
I need your comfort and company....

回家

终于已经决定回家的时间了
下星期的周末
不过还没收到老师的来电
也不知道有没有得补考
等待真的很烦很累
也不知道废了还是过了
过了就要等补考机会
废了就可以早点回家了
原本打算12月初才回去
家里的事情弄得我放不下
毕竟我是长女
还是有些事情要解决的
原本打算迟点回去好在回去前赚点钱
看来要泡汤了
不过等了那么久
终于可以回家了
家人都在
不过朋友们还没回家乡
亲的
快点回去吧
想死你们了.......

我又想家了.......

我又想家了
突然又想念起家的美好
爸妈的关怀与温暖
好友们的体贴与了解
食物们的廉价与美味

好想家
真的很想很想
若想Harry Potter里面的魔法师一样
可以disapparate回家就好了……

想念嗲爸妈
想念妈妈的温柔
想念爸爸的调皮
想念妹妹的吵闹
想念好友们的陪伴
想念妈妈做的美食
想念与爸爸玩闹
想念大家的疼爱
想念大马的美食
想念家里的小红 （爸爸要卖了…… =( ）
想念家里一切的美好

每次想起你们
我觉得我真的很幸福……

Unpredictable

Life could be really unpredictable
One minute you were friends
Next minute you could be enemies
One minute you were good friends
Next minute you guys might never talk much again
One minute you met someone new
Next minute you might be in love

I never realise I could experience so much in such a short period
This year I lost 3 whom I considered as best friends
But at the same time I gained a lot
I gained many new lovely friends
I gained new good friends
I got to know few special someone(s)
I got to experience many different stuffs
I got to do something I never thought I will do
I learned many new things
I learned how to forgive and forget
I learned how to mind my own business
I learned that I have many friends who care for me out there
I learned how wonderful, caring and lovely my parents are

I guess I really had to thank God for letting me experience all these
At least I know what I should do in future if things like that happen
I really wanna thank all my lovely friends in Brisbane and Malaysia
For being such sweethearts and helped me through my rough times
No matter you were near or far
You guys showed love that touched my heart
By caring, listening, advising, bringing me out to have fun...
Allow me to name all of them
Sha, Ying, Yan, Kelly, Fiona, Yvonne, SY, Fong, YS, Yuyu, Ivy, Pau, Ashleigh, Mary, Reagan, Gold Coast gang, and all others that supported me verbally or in writing no matter on my blog or MSN
Thank you so much for being there for me
If I am facing all these alone, I won't be the strong Dra I am right now....
Love ya' all soooo much.... Muaxxxx

迷惘

最近感觉很迷惘
所做的决定正确与否
所做的行为超乎原则
感觉我不再是我
不再是那冷静的我
不再是那高尚的我
我竟然做了一件傻的可以的事
是傻？
还是饥渴？
还是那才是我心所要？
还是那才是真正的我....
有些疯狂
有些激动
有些大胆.....

亲们
请告诉我
我真的做对了吗？
真的选对了吗？
所做的都超越了我的原则
怎么办.......

A phone call

A phone call I made yesterday really melted my heart
It was a phone call to my dearest parents
My sister told me that mama called when I was away
Papa was really upset that I got my PR
He thought that sis got her PR as well
He was worried and said why all daughters went away and do not wanna come home
He was really upset
He even requested to go for a day trip with my family
I didn't realise I hurt them....
My sis was silly enough to make them worry more...
But this call really brighten my life...
My dad was so positive..
I was crying my eyes out when I was talking to them
I told them how much I love them and how much they meant to me
I never intent to hurt them
My intention was good
I didn't want papa to work so hard
He has 3 younger sisters to take care of
I wanted to be independent
I feel bad spending his money
But his words really touched my heart
"You are my daughter, it's my duty to spend money on you... My duty will cease once you get married.. But if he ill-treated you we will skin him"
When I told him I am really worried about my studies
Worried that I will fail my diploma and put his money to waste
"Don't worry about failing it, just slow down your pace, relax, I don't want a PHD for your health.. Take care of your health, your stomach..."
I can't stop shedding tears after hearing all these..
My friend was so shocked when he saw me crying..
He thought something serious happened..
I am really grateful and thankful that God gave me such lovely and caring parents
They are the best I have in life
I would rather have nothing than losing them....

Life Changes..

I realised how life could really change
Looks like my life have been changing like rocket
This second I was worried and stressed
Next second a simple call made my stress and worries faded just like that
This minute I was still having the same thought
Next minute my mind soul and spirit changed
Today I am still feeling stress about my status
Next day I am informed that my status has been approved
Gosh....
I never realise how life could change that fast...
Dad said that I have to slow down, stress less and relax...
Life pace had been speeding up a lot lately
But I can't just slow down before my holidays start
I had to speed up instead..
I wonder will I be able to cope
But I am not who I was anymore
I guess with all these support and care
I will be able to survive
I will be able to slow down a bit
I will be able to stress less
I will be able to walk through all these......

迷失

我想每个人都有感觉迷失的时候
我现在的心情就是如此这般
这几天不知道我是怎么了
感觉现在做的不知道是不是我想要的
好想放弃
父母的压力让我喘不过气
上课的压力让我难以呼吸
这些都是我前所未有的压力
我知道有人会说过了这关
我又会再成长、成熟
因为有了新的体验
我想听的并不是这些
我想女人都是这样吧
都想听一些好听的话、鼓励的话
而不是一堆的长篇大论
道理什么的我又不是不知道

昨晚我发了一次很大的脾气
不是对人发的 是电脑
也第一次很冲动的买了方的MACMINI
又叫朋友帮我买APPLE鼠标和键盘
虽然冲动我做事还是有分寸的
这些东西全买下也很便宜
根本不到800澳币
冲动的我还是会理智的

我承认…………
我冲动
我暴躁
我迷失
我迷糊
我烦恼
我忧愁
有时寂寞
有时孤独
有时孤僻
有时沉重
有时………………

Temperamental

Lately I am feeling really temperamental...
Feel like throwing my temper on someone...
Feel like breaking all the dishes at home...
Feel like breaking down like a baby into someone's arms...
Just feel like breaking something or hitting something...
I have no idea why am I feeling so...
Maybe it's because of all those things I have to do every week...
Maybe it's because I don't like being the elder sister...
Maybe it's because I like to be left alone...
Maybe it's because of all these dramas that happened lately...
Maybe it's because of all this stress I get studying both diploma and uni...
Or maybe... I am just homesick....
I don't know...
I guess I need to chill.. A lot.....

Miss home...

Maybe it's because all these dramas that happened lately,
Or maybe because been feeling lonely,
Or maybe because been feeling stressed and tired,
Or maybe...
This is the longest time I left home for such a long long time...
Normally I will go back for 2 or 3 weeks during July holiday..
Or even 10 days during semester break...
Yeah I am a spoil brat...
I miss home...
I miss my parents' arms that I could go into...
I miss laughter in my family...
I miss my dearest mommy that cares so much for me...
I miss my playful daddy that 'tortures' me sometimes...
I miss my naughty sisters that give me headaches all times..
I miss my true-est friends who never abandon me....
I miss my bestest car that drives me wherever I wanna go...
I miss the cheapest food that could make me drool...
I miss being pampered and loved by my family and friends...
I have never been away from home that long...
Does anyone miss me? =(